Heartbreak to Hope: Romance Scam recovery
Scam Victim Alliance wellbeing expert Cathy Brennan knows that grief opened the door to her scammer, and explains how anyone can be deceived despite their better judgment.
Recovering from my romance scam gave me the strength to help others. It was how Scam Haters United Aus/NZ was born.
My life has changed for the better. Every day is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be amazing.
I have come so far from those dark days. When I was scammed, I felt worthless, afraid, very alone, embarrassed and foolish.
Cathy Brennan works every day to help victims of deception, scams and fraud recover. She is pictured here with Operation Shamrock founder Erin West at the Global Financial Crimes Summit 2024.
This is cathy brennan’s story
I became a widow in 2015. Losing my husband in a tragic incident was devastating.
I realised I had to somehow carry on. Through meditation, prayer and self-care, and learning my priorities, I became resilient with my recovery journey.
As a result, I took early retirement, I just couldn't perform as a professional in the health industry anymore.
I describe myself as an 'arty' person who loves to paint, sketch and read. I love history, ancient and modern and love live theatre.
I followed a channel on TikTok about art appreciation and techniques and this is where my scammer contacted me in July 2023.
After a period of weeks talking to this person who was also following the same art channel as I, he started becoming affectionate and the love bombing started.
I had no clue about romance scams, the attention was intoxicating as I realised how much I had missed the company of a male.
My scammer was a civilian mechanical engineer in the US Army.
In the early stages my scammer told me he was going on deployment and wanted to stay in contact, I agreed.
As usual, it wasn't long before he asked for money for the usual expense for Wi-Fi. He complained about the food and said he needed me to help him buy some.
When I think back, the reasons are beyond ridiculous now. Of course, there was a flight. I paid for him to fly out to see me, but he never arrived!
Before long, I had sent thousands of dollars to him. I have always been financial smart but when you are in a romance scam, you listen to your heart and not your head.
Finally in January 2024, my scammer ghosted me as I had no more money that I could afford to send to him.
My mental health had declined, I was a total mess.
Cathy, left, is friends with Danny de Hek, the crypto ponzi scheme avenger who works from New Zealand.
Reaching out to family helped
I am so blessed to have a daughter who I am very close to. I reached out to my family and bared my soul.
I was watching YouTube, and I came across ScamHaters United.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, everything they were saying was exactly what I had gone through.
All I could think was ‘how do I contact this lady named Ruth Grover’?
Reaching out to Ruth from ScamHaters United was my saving grace.
I was desperate for help, and I needed to talk to someone. I was screaming inside and hurting so bad. I listened to Ruth; she guided me through my romance scam and the way the scammers work. I soaked the information up like I was a sponge. I adopted strategies and words of wisdom given to me.
Having the support of my family was so important in my recovery. Talking out loud in my head and listening to both my heart and my head was imperative to my wellbeing.
I chose to rise above the scam and get my life back and myself on track and I succeeded. I am so proud of my recovery and the lessons I have learnt along the way. I know exactly how these scams work, and the way scammers will groom you.
If you are in this position at present, please reach out to your family and friends. I know from personal experience how devastating it can be. It is soul destroying, and you feel like life is not worth living. IT IS !!
As a result of talking and healing and taking time, I founded Scam Haters United Aus/NZ. I have Gayleen who who works from New Zealand, Alicia from Sydney, Caesar in the US and Ruth in the UK as my admin.
It is a privilege to be part of this family. We are here and remember You should not be alone. You can send me a message if you need to reach out.
Life is good and I have wonderful people in my life now. I have so much appreciation for Ruth and all my fellow sisters across the globe. There is nothing more satisfying to support and educate a victim on their road to recovery.
This scam experience has given me a purpose in life. It is a true commitment I have made to myself to help others.
I have now come onboard with scamvictimalliance.org.au as a wellbeing and support person.
With my experience I understand the devastation and soul-destroying emotions of being a victim of a romance scam first hand. I look forward to helping others with support, education and awareness to those who have had their lives turned upside down.
DECEPTION Prevention Tips:
Be extremely cautious of unsolicited contact, especially from people claiming a personal connection or romantic interest online.
Verify identities using reverse image searches and question inconsistencies.
Be wary of online investment advice, especially involving crypto or high returns.
Do not send money or provide banking details to someone you haven't met in person and thoroughly verified.
What To Do If You or Someone You Know Is Affected BY A SCAM:
Stop all communication with the scammer.
Report the scam:
Scamwatch (Australian Competition and Consumer Commission): www.scamwatch.gov.au
Australian Cyber Security Centre (ACSC): www.cyber.gov.au
Your bank or financial institution immediately.
Seek support:
IDCARE: Australia and New Zealand’s national identity and cyber support service – www.idcare.org
Lifeline: 13 11 14 – for emotional support and crisis counseling.
Scam survivors groups: such as ScamHaters United and local Australian support networks like the one founded by Cathy Brennan-Coffey.
Read more about Cathy’s story on The Advertiser